Speak..now..Listen

You had me

Closure?

close the door tell me you love me

tell me you don’t

say you never want to see me again

or tell me that you miss me

i want to be head of heels

i want that lusty fun feeling for a little and for it to fade into something amazing

he loves me

and yes he is head over heels

that doesn’t mean i have to like him back

I’m sorry i can’t feel the same i love him

but i don’t know how or why i love him

he doesn’t make me feel like i once did

the spark is out

is the flame still lit

or am i burning for a new cause….. 

There’s a reason things are forgotten. They are placed in a corner where they cannot hurt me..shhhhh don’t say their name they’ll—- too late they are back..

A little shout out

Hey all those blogs that are about getting skinnny

you hate yourself

why do you need to post pictures that will make you hate what you can never have more.

Embrace the little things in live that get us to where are today.. like breathing

somestimes you take for granted all the things in your life that truly matter.

Look i can’t talk yes I threw up to the point where i was in a crazy daze…

and look where that got me=

worst metabolism and acid reflex

Yes i cut myself until i was soo numb and bleeding so much that it looked like blood was gushing out of of me and i would never wake up..

i woke up

YEs i have been yelled at until i cried and beg them to stop, but she never did and still hasnt..

I still have some one that makes me smile and feel special

Yeah I feel suicidal and like the world doesnt need me anymore, or if i was just soo skinny that i would just disappear

but then again. look I’m still here

So what i swallowed a lot of advil and wrote some letters…

obviously something is holding me here idk what or why..

but after 2 car accidents one where my legs were almost crushed and paralyzed by a SUV, and the glass shattered onto my whole body

I’m still here
Something is holding each of us here for a reason, Don’t forget that if you are breathing the same air as the girls that you so admire for being skinny and depressed and all cut up……
apart of you is just as beautiful as the girls you wish you were
REmember that next time you go to pick up that rusty knife or the pair of scissors

-A<3 

Tired

I’m tired of dealing with your shit

I’m tired of you bringing me down

too many tears

too many tissues

and Im damn near out of replacements

you’ve hurt me enough and it is time to say good-bye

so goodbye my friend and good—

hurt me once shame on you

hurt me twice..well shame on me…

-A<3

:(

I guess you could say I’m sad

You could say I feel lonely

But in truth…

Well in reality, 

I am nothing more than disappointed—

In myself for not having the talent to prove myself to be the person with the ability I once thought i had….

No longer will I call myself something I am not.

-A<3

What’s happening

I try everyday to find myself amongst the clouds that are my world

go hang out with your friends

what friends

the ones you were just talking to

oh…

they are just the face of who I am when I want to be

the person I am doesn’t have friends

no one wants to know her

I can’t blame them

Who would want to know a girl who:

is loud

laughs at herself

is crazy when she’s happy

isn’t happy

with herself

or

my world

doesnt have a good sanctuary

finds love from the wrong places

listens so well I remeber everything you say

will forgive too easily

won’t let people past the wall I hold up

But most importantly..

you will never know any of this because you don’t know me

and I won’t let you know me.

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Hi I am the girl you will meet

I smile and I nod

I hug and I laugh

I will not cry in front of you

I will never get mad

I don’t judge you

I will never tell your secrets

Come be my “friend” 

Call me

text me

HMU

but you will never see past the first meeting

…it was nice to meet you

what happened to the girl I used to know

What happened to the girl that wore her face as it was, without make up to make it seem like everyone else’s?

to the girl that would say exactly how she felt when she felt it?

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THe girl I used to be is still there…I just don’t know where she is…

-A <3 

Take a sip take a hit

and let the numbness take over

loose your sense of touch

hearing and even sight

the room around you seems to fade away

and suddenly all your problems seem to numb along with the rest of your body
do you remember your first time?

do you remember how you did it?

what was it like to feel that emotion of sadness shoot away?

first time alone.

first time to be completely gone

with no one to like it

no one to numb along with you

-A <3 

ShoRt and SWeet

Don’t you hate it when you see those pictures of those stunning girls in bikinis and realize you would have to work your asss off to get like them?

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-A <3 

My World

Hush baby don’t say a word mama’s gonna buy you a mocking bird and if that mocking bird don’t shine….

What is the point of pretending the sun will shine

The light will last forever

Or

That the wood on the fire will never burn out

The darkness of tomorrow looms

with endless

possibilities.

There is only a shimmer of hope for the happy days and passed.

The times when we used to laugh.

The times when you used to call me yours and be happy.

Do you remember those days?

Those days of acceptance?

Of love without hate?

or Has the jealousness of your soul crowded every human part of you?

Is there an inch of dam left in you…

The darkness has eaten you away

and now nothing remains.

The coldness of your heart reeps its ill will upon

me

and those who surround you.

There will be only cold reluctance from me

I am done with acceptance

I am done with understanding

I am done with every trying to do something to make you say

I Love You.

There is no love left in you

There is no love left in me for

You

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you are nothing to me

a grain of sand under my feet

I walk around your abode on eggshells

no

longer will I stand and watch.

I take no more of this from

you.

-sincelery

A <3